Every story that has an ending has a reason.
This story, the reason, fucking not worth it.
-Ems. |
Every story that begins, has an ending.
|
The last time i wrote an entry here, was more than a year ago.
I deleted all the entries written during 'that period of time' from this blog and other blogs. I don't like to keep unhappy memories, although deleting the entries doesn't mean it's deleted from my brain. I wish i could, yet, without it, i would not have been the 'me' now. Our relationship would not have improved, and we would probably still be taking roller-coaster rides.
I've learnt to live with imperfections, rather than chasing after a perfect relationship. Because by accepting what may be imperfect, i actually do see a perfect picture of us. What can be more comforting than to know your partner accepts your flaws, and is willing to work with you through it?
I am working towards being a better girlfriend, being more understanding and appreciative. I can't say for sure i'm a worthy girlfriend, but i am trying my best.
Anyway, it's been a really long time since i said anything mushy. I don't know when he'll read this post either because we both created new blogs.
But still, i wanna tell him, that i really love him. And it's absolutely wonderful spending time with him. With him by my side, it seems like i have nothing to be afraid of. Because he is in my life, my world has twice as many smiles.
You are still, my angel.
with love,
wei |
to briefly intro the peeps i met at my og (from back to front);Myself, Crystal, Pamela, Zi Wei, Delip
Matilda, Fiona, Sheron and Shu Ning
Yvonne, Jeannie and Caroline
Rain Drops
As you hear them fall,
Moister in the air, a sprinkle and all
Their sound a symphony,
For you, for me
Pearls of light glistering on the pavement,
Their invisible fingers drumming on my window vehement
Tear drops an emotional call
They signify love, sadness, happiness and all
Emotions are something that we all have
With our soul the Lord to us gave,
A piece of mind to help us shine and glow
Healing our soul if enough of it we show
Through the good times, bad times
In between times
-By Roger and Birgit Pratcher
So, I stood in the rain for a brief moment while on the way back.
The clouds were grey, my world has been very grey for awhile now.
But there have been people around me who tried to help, although sometimes the more they try to help the more it affects me.
It is not something I feel the whole world needs to know, but when 1 door closes, another opens.
As much as I find it tough to open up my heart again, I know I have not been alone in this and I appreciate anyone who has tried to pour some joy and smiles, colour into my world.
Raindrops, kept falling on my head. With every drop, I felt a little bit more comfort.
justin a.k.a emo'kia
random thought;
while watching first class on channel 5, the pickup line "You must be tired from all that running through my mind" just got a chuckle out of me. |
Taking a step / A little time / It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again.
`j
|Realize - Colbie Caillat
Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your si-i-i-de
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
[Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your si-i-i-de
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
That this all can pass by
Didn't I didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realized what I've just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.
[It's not that the same
No it's never the sa-a-ame
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you 'd meet me half way.
It could be the same for you
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Realize, realize, Realize, realize
Dedicated to all lovers out there - Never wait till things are too late.
我真希望这只是一场梦。
`xiaowei |
There isn't a reason behind falling in love, really.
we fell so in love with each other,
the circumstances were pretty much incredible,
like the work of Cupid's arrow.
Fast forward 5 years now, the cracks are showing; we have our differences.
The crux of any successful relationship be it professional or romantic or kinship is how the relationship is sustained at all. How did we even make it this far? The nagging unwillingness to forgo such a memorable, unique and very real relationship despite the clear differences we share?
Do we work on the incompatbility or shorten the work if there is no point if things do not work out? How then do we judge the worth of the relationship? Is it perfect only when there are guarantees? Or would the lack of a guarantee keep us on our toes to keep ourselves up with each other, adapting when necessary, taking steps forward or backward when needed. Would that then mean then we are changing for some one? Would we no longer be ourselves then? Or if changing meant you would lose yourself, would it be better if there was no relationship there that needed the change which took you away?
She didn't mind my appearance, my heart was her main concern all the time. She was disappointed when I dropped out of my studies, but she supported me constantly throughout the years of getting back. Whilst in the army, despite time constraints and the want for attention, we beared with the difficulties together and now I'm done with national service and she is still there with me.
We enjoy cooking and having good meals together. We love the outdoor scenery, especially by the sea. Travelling and adventure is a common past time, we like to travel the countries and explore and appreciate certain cultures and broaden our horizons. Quiet moments at home, watching the television, DVDs and some online games from time to time. We love the arcade.
What everyone usually sees is this perfect relationship of 5 years, 5 months and 18 days. I thought we were made for each other, the love we have for one another is perfect really. I couldn't use another word to describe.
However, what differences do we have? Are they as bad that a perfect love is not even enough to sustain te relationship? Just perhaps, I am more aware of the kind of differences between us for me not to display the complete faith in the relationship which has affected her own confidence in herself and brought about insecurity. Which has affected and influenced the relationship in its own way ultimately. So, what goes around comes around?
Is she too naive to believe that with a perfect love, any flaw or fault could be redeemed and corrected as long as due effort is put in? My ideas do not seem so naive, but then if redeeming or correcting any flaw means to change or adapt which leads to change that seems to make you feel as if you are no longer you, wouldn't it be similar to the above? Then, what is the point?
If I had a reason; we fell in love with each other because we found and were in the right time and place for one another.
But, is that really sufficient for us to grow old with one another?
There are people who read these entries, some who are my kin. Out of concern when they read depressing entries they ask me if we are fine. I always tell them we are doing fine ourselves, because things really do work out ... until the next occurence.
The weather sums it all up; cloudy skies throughout the day, heavy showers in the dawn and dusk.
I have had this ring on my finger for more than 4 years now, I got it for the both of us during our second valentines together. Once, I tried taking it off for a day. I took it off for a couple of minutes and put it back on because I felt incomplete. It might have been habitual, but I felt emotionally incomplete without it.
I don't know what we'll do if one day we had to take it off, once and for all. I dread the day.
Where has my heart gone? I want to keep going, but the further we go ... the more things seem to be falling apart. She said I used to assure her each time that our love would be sufficient to pull us through any obstacle, why am I no longer having that kind of faith then?
I found her because I wanted to find her own lost faith. Now it seems, I have lost mine ... how could I even find hers then?
Is it a conspiracy of the gods? For in the last three to four days, my heart has gone hot and cold upteen times, i've been on the roller-coaster ride a million times and it is taking away every bit of my heart.
I always believe, there are no happiness that is forever. You can feel
happy for some time, but u just know that, the happiness will be over sooner or
later. There will be something that just will destroy everything. And yes, one
can make the choice. You can choose to be happy or remain upset. You can choose
to be optimistic or pessimistic. Unfortunately, so far i haven't and still
cannot stay on the optimistic side. My world is dark, needing light to shine the
way. It isn't the other way round - in a bright world with occassional
darkness.
I guess she was right to say and fear that when things just seem so good, too good actually, we are just waiting for the moment for everything to fall apart. Even now, I can't find it in my heart to convince myself to be optimistic and positive despite how I try to remain so every single time. I guess I have lost faith.
Perhaps, I am not the light she needs.
justin |